.: Roberts' Reviews - Movie Reviews :.

If your film has the word fantastic in the title, it's are already at a disadvantage. Not only do you have the integrity of the adjective's definition on your shoulders, but you also have countless critics sitting by their word processors looking to write headline like “Not So Fantastic” or “Hardly Even Super”.

Granted, in the case of the Fantastic Four, they hardly had a choice. The title was ripped from the comic book of the same name that featured the characters Reed Richards, Sue and Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm. These unlikely principles just happened to have found themselves in space at the time of a cosmic storm that altered their DNA giving each extraordinary power. Reed became able to stretch any part of his body. Sue was able to turn herself invisible and create a force field around herself and others when provoked. Johnny was given the ability to turn himself into a human matchstick coupled with the power of flight. And Ben Grimm (poor ole Ben Grimm), was changed into a large rock type creature which gave him the power of incredible strength. These reluctant heroes became known in the colored pages as Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Girl, the Human Torch and The Thing. Together, the Fantastic Four.

The film adaptation (and yes, there was an older Roger Corman version that can only be found in the deepest darkest corners of e-bay and comic book conventions), starts at the beginning of their odyssey where scientists Richards (Ioan Gruffudd), Sue (Jessica Alba) and Ben (Michael Chiklis) along with hot shot Johnny (Chris Evans) and friend/billionaire, Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon) are aboard an orbiting space station at the time of the cosmic storm's passing. The incident – that occurs far too early in the film before any character development is established – renders all unconscious with their awakening to reveal their new found powers.

Each react differently to their newly acquired skills. Reed and Sue seem the most un-phased by the mutation and are the two stable characters that tend to be able to continue with a relatively normal existence. Johnny was the show off of the group and his new talents give him the spotlight with the press media making him a celebrity which he is only too apt to exploit for the purposes of catching the eyes of the opposite sex. Ben Grimm (poor ole Ben Grimm) is the worst off of the bunch. His mutation into a clobbering monster leaves him as the sole societal outcast. His engagement to longtime girlfriend Debbie is broken and his ability to walk the streets of New York without the multitudes gasping and pointing is near impossible. And Victor Von Doom? Well, what is a comic book fantasy without a villain? Upon his return to earth and recovery from the accident, Von Dooms financial empire begins to crumble. But that is the least of his worries. His transformation includes his skin turning into a metal alloy that allows him to conduct and transfer electricity. With his lust for control already a part of his overwrought personality, his new power is channeled into seeking revenge upon those that stand in his way for world dominance, and his primary target is Mr. Fantastic himself whom has stolen back the heart of Sue from his iron clutches.

All is set up for an ultimate good versus evil battle with interesting characters in a big budget summer film. But Fantastic Four does nothing to build upon the Spider-Mans and X-Mens that preceded it. In fact, I think that Fantastic Four reverts us back a few spaces like landing on a cobra's head in a game of Snakes and Ladders. Most of the blame is a result of the inane script. Developed over an unfathomable (especially considering the result) ten year period, the script was so mediocre that I failed to have any interest in the foursome, their situations or even the fate of the planet thanks to underdeveloped poorly written characters. Then there was the campy dialogue. In one scene, Johnny (Human Torch) is getting his temperature taken by a nurse that looked pulled from the Playboy Mansion when they have this Grade School exchange, Nurse : “Whoa! You're hot!” Johnny : “Why thank you! So are you!”. Oh brother! Ten years for that?

Now, a movie of this sort can be saved from the cheap dialogue and poorly developed characters if the special effects are up to snuff, but here too, F4 fails to deliver the goods. A scene when Reed wraps himself around Ben Grimm to try and keep him from hurting himself or others was incredibly bad. As was the obvious blue/green screen effects when the firemen are holding on to the fire truck ladder for dear life while suspended over a bridge. The lone good effect of the Thing putting his shoulder down to smash an oncoming truck can be seen in the trailers and when you take into account that the move was to protect someone who was just about to kill themselves and ended up harming countless of innocent people who were driving along the bridge, you can't find the logic in it either.

The Fantastic Four is no X-Men, but it isn't as bad as Daredevil or Catwoman either. But this adaptation came with more promise than the others. The characters have been purchased by the youth of America for decades and Hollywood was nice enough to give director Tim Story (Barbershop) a production budget of around $100 million to help bring the pages to life. Instead of making a new franchise, everything was mishandled. Each character with the exception of Chiklis is miscast and the humor is rampantly more miss than hit.

So, the Fantastic Four is not very fantastic. The superhero's are not exactly super and the entire experience was nothing short of being unspectacular.