.: Roberts' Reviews - Movie Reviews :.

It's good to finally start writing reviews of films starring Sean Penn without referring back to the Jeff Spicoli character he was so famous for channeling back in 1982's Fast Times At Ridgemont High. And so it should be. Sean Penn has long left behind his partying ways, his doofous persona, his Madonna marriage, and his choice of film roles that was usually cast him as the mad misunderstood young adult that recounts his various run-ins with the local authorities.

Now, when Sean Penn's name appears above the credits it commands respect. His last few film roles have included an Oscar turn in Mystic River and another nominated turn in Woody Allen's Sweet and Lowdown. Throw in roles in Terrence Malik's The Thin Red Line and Sydney Pollack's The Interpreter, and you have an actor that has not only been given some of the juicier roles in Hollywood recently, but also an actor that big time directors are lining up to have star in their features (which is a far cry from his Shanghai Surprise days).

Sean Penn is back this awards season with a remake of the 1949 classic All The King's Men directed by Steven Zaillian who is known more for his writing (Schindler's List, Awakenings) than his promise behind the camera. In this updated version, Penn plays Willie Stark, an up and coming political player that longs to become the next governor of the great state of Louisiana.

We watch, sometimes in awe, but mostly in tedium as Stark goes from door-to-door salesman to soap box activist fuelled mostly by his knowledge of how politicians granted the building contract of a school whose faulty fire escape lead to the death of three innocent children. With this ace in his hand, Stark sets out to speak to the hicks of Louisiana in an effort to assure their votes.

Followed by sometimes reporter Jack Burden (Jude Law who is also the film narrator), Stark commences his fight to the public office with the most honest of intentions. Stark believes that he is of the people, speaking for the people and representing the people who are too indigent to represent themselves.

But as the saying goes, "Government corrupts" and Stark slips right into his underhanded gloves with hardly a notice by the audience. In an effort to maintain his stronghold in politics and circumvent an impending impeachment, Stark uses Burden to unearth some political dirt on one Judge Irwin (Anthony Hopkins). Burden and Irwin have a history together as Irwin acted as the father figure in Burden's life while growing up in the southern state.

But Burden doesn't seem to hold relationships too dear to his heart and he soon sets out on his bosses orders to uncover truths that Stark is sure are hidden in some deep dark closet. His findings would have the most dire of consequences. But rest assured, by the time we finally get to that forgone conclusion, you will have long not cared for the outcome.

All The King's Men wastes one of the biggest casts since Ocean's 13. Boasting Penn, Hopkins, Gandolfini, Winslet and Ruffao (in a plot meandering story that spins its wheels like Ricky Bobby trying to get off the starting grid), Clarkson and Law, All The King's Men goes no where fast and no where that we would care to follow. Penn comes out of the film with his dignity and career in tact, but his yelling and screaming, his hand waving and head bobbing was too over the top boorish to give us an interest in the Stark's character and political movement. The rest of the cast had so little to do with such little screen time that they are too insignificant to even spend time on this page identifying. Had their names not graced envelopes in almost all other mediums over the past few years, this film would hardly be worth mentioning at all.

But somehow I think the studio knew such. All The King's Men was originally slated to be released in time for Oscar consideration last year, but it mysteriously was taken off the release schedule so that director Zaillian could "re-edit". Yeah, right. If this was the re-edit version, you can be sure that I won't watch the original attempt if ever released on DVD.

All The King's Men with all it's casting coos is one of the biggest disappointments in 2006. Unlike The Departed, the Scorsese film that also boasts a large cast of A-Listers, All The King's Men has no immediate path of direction. It just floats through the life of a politician whose actions seem tame in today's climate and who's charisma is as fresh as the popcorn that was stuck to my shoe at the end of the film.