.: Roberts' Reviews - Movie Reviews :.

23 Things wrong or about The Number 23

1. Joel Schumacher. This guy has been churning out dud after dud since he started out in television with The Virginia Hill story in 1974. DC Cab, Batman Forever, Flawless, 8MM and Phone Booth are just some examples of a resume that without A Time to Kill and well, A Time to Kill, he has nothing that ranks over a 2.5 star rating from this reviewer.

2. Jim Carrey. Yes, we like him. He's funny. When serious, it's a 50-50 proposition. There is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but there is also The Majestic. In The Number 23, he just doesn't pull it off, and his attempts to show a split personality reminded me more of Me, Myself and Irene - which is a bad thing considering The Number 23 is suppose to be a thriller and Irene was a comedy.

3. Math. Who gives a shit? I got a job and so I wouldn't have to go to school and continue taking math. Last thing I want to do is use the money I have earned in said job to sit and watch someone obsess over a bunch of digits.

4. The script. Pull-ease! You know the expression, 'I would rather watch paint dry'? Well, I was so bored that I grabbed the wife's (sorry Bree) nail polish from the shopping bags at my feet and started to paint my nails to pass the time. The script was misguided, misrepresented, mistreated and therefore a missed opportunity.

5. The running time. At only 87 minutes I still have a complaint. Want math? It's what I was doing looking at my watch trying to figure out how much time was left until I was freed from this disaster.

6. Virginia Madsen. I love you Virginia. What were you thinking.

7. Carrey's voice over narration. Remind me never to buy a book on tape if Carrey is the one reading the pages.

8. Joel Schumacher. Damn straight I am going to pick on you! I just went over my own numbers and I have spent money on going to the theatre to see your films 16 times. 16 + 1 shitty director = 23 (Trust me, it's the new math)

9. 23. The number itself pisses me off.. 21 is Blackjack. 22 is when the dealer busts (I win!). 24 is the number of beers in the case in front of me. 23? Don't know. Don't care.

10. Stylish lighting. I think Schumacher recently had drinks with Tony Scott. Would the two of you please stop trying to be creative only in how you present the film. Think more about your script instead of bothering us with dark darks and white whites.

11. M. Night. Sorry, my Sixth Sense buddy, but you set a standard that others want to try and copy. You and David Fincher now that I think of it. Damn you for letting lesser men like Schumacher think he can emulate your genius.

12. The number 12. I just hate you cause you have the number 2 in you and that means you are part of The Number 23 and I hate, hate, hate The Number 23.

13. The number 6. That was the number of people in the two thousand seat theatre that suffered through this film with me.

14. Fingerling. He is another character in the movie that just didn't fit. It was like trying to squeeze a marshmallow through a keyhole, and sorry, I ain't buying either.

15. Ceiling tiles in the theatre. They were disgustingly dirty. Of course, if the movie was any way good, I probably wouldn't have been looking to the sky and trying to remember everything that was on my grocery list.

16. Pi.. Darren Aronofsky proved that maybe you could make a movie out of the search for a number. Schumacher proved you that it is one in a million.

17. Obsessions. We have seen obsessions with girls, weight, guns, death. But a number. Here's a number for you - 22. That is the number in the millions of dollars that you can only pray you make on this disaster.

18. Commercials before the film. I think there were 23 of them.

19. A Beautiful Mind. Yes, you A Beautiful Mind. Thanks for trying to make numbers sexy. See what you have created Russell Frankenstein!

20. Numbers that don't make sense. If you pay attention in the movie, as things are thrown at you at rapid pace, you wonder if the producers were lacking an abacus.

21. Joel Schumacher. Funny that you present the number 23 as being something that is evil, wrong, misunderstood and ultimately bad. How many films have you directed? Oh yeah, 23!

22. Joel Schumacher. See numbers 1 through 21.

23. The Number 23. The movie is a waste of time. Even if it is only 87 minutes of wasted time.