.: Roberts' Reviews - Movie Reviews :.

I struggled with renting Midnight Meat Train when it finally appeared on my DVD Rental shelf. Based on a story by Clive Barker didn't exactly instill any confidence in my selection. After his groundbreaking and masterpiece, Hellraiser in 1987, there hasn't been much to get the juices flowing. Nightbreed, his follow-up was maybe the worst film of 1990 and Lord Of Illusions in 1995 was a as bland as a butter sandwich.

Since 1995, Barker has been sticking to producing and writing (where he belongs), but something struck me about Midnight Meat Train. Maybe it was the name. It sounded like pure grindhouse cine. Doesn't matter now. Midnight Meat Train was rented, watched and watched again. And for the first time in almost a decade, I didn't see a film with Barkers name represented on the DVD cover without falling asleep or turning off the telly before the end credits.

Midnight Meat Train is simplistic. People are disappearing on the subway and a photographer named Leon (Bradley Cooper) uncovers that a meat cutter (Vinnie Jones) dressed in a suit is killing these victims for reasons to be uncovered to the audience in the final reels.

Leon takes his findings to the police and to his girlfriend Maya (Leslie Bibb), but he seems to be spinning his wheels in an attempt to find anyone to give a crap and with his curiosity peaked and with a beautiful art dealer looking to purchase his photos of people on the street, Leon spirals down the dark black hole of satisfying his own gratifications rather than looking out for his safety.

As with any good horror film, there are two ways to ensure the audience is enthralled. You either have a very good baddie (like, say, Hannibal Lector or Jason Voorhees) or have a killer with a unique killing device (Freddie Krueger's glove of knives). Midnight Meat Train doesn't necessarily step out of the box with the first - Mahogany (Jones) is ok, but far from me hoping he might survive the end of the film. But the tools to which he uses definitely created some interest.

Mahogany uses - primarily - a meat tenderizing mallet. This stainless steel kitchen utensil offers its victims some crushing blows to the head and I found it somewhat refreshing to witness a continued use of a weapon after just seen Friday the 13th and all of Jason's arsenal.

Each hit packed a wallop with my subwoofer and although most of the blood was clearly CGI, it was still fun to see people being pummeled.

Mahogany's continued rampage and Leon's consistent pursuit made the first two thirds of the film better than average and got me hooked (you will understand the pun later) on what could easily have been a Dr. Giggles.

But then something happened at the one hour mark. Right about when our lead character Leon utters the eye-rolling line, "I've got a train to catch" that I lost a bit of respect and pulled a few stars from the overall rating. That's where the film went to places that I neither wanted or cared for. Seeing Leon strap on tools and knives like Rambo gearing up for a big fight was laughable. But forgivable in comparison to when we are revealed why these strangers were being slaughtered. If you know anything about Clive Barker, then you know what is probably lurking, but I thought it was cheap and would have appreciated just having a lunatic running around on the late train.

All in all though, good flick. I will watch it again with friends and it will probably work its way into my collection when it hits the bargain bin pricing.

Money Shot: At 22 minutes, a mallet to the back of the head send one man's eyes flying out of his skull.