.: Roberts' Reviews - Movie Reviews :.

Angels never get their just due in films. Usually they are inserted into movies as ghostly guardian angels that are assisting the living in times of strife or sacrifice. Worse still, sometimes we get movie titles that would suggest there are angels in the film and yet, there is nary a halo or a winged human contained in the stock reels. Angels & Demons, no angels. Snow Angels, no angels. Charlie's Angels, ok, there were angels in that one, but not the biblical kind.

We need more angels on film. Prophecy type angels. Constantine type angels. Angels that are good and bad. Angels that are powerful, vengeful and jealous of our human rights. Ring that bell, George Bailey and let's get some ass-kicking, wing-bearing heaven vs. hell type seraphs down here!

There was hope. The trailer for the new film Legion brought a lot of hope. The trailer looked amazing and its cast which consisted of Paul Bettany, Dennis Quaid and Charles S. Dutton was solid if not spectacular. So what went wrong?

Legion stars Bettany as the angel Michael who comes down to earth in human form to protect a pregnant waitress, Charlie played by Adrianne Palicki. We learn that God has again lost faith in the human race and whereas last time he sent a flood to destroy us, this time he is sending his angels to wipe us out.

In defiance, Michael goes against his Lord's request and instead of doing what he was told, he does what needs to be done in order to show God that man does have hope. That we are worth saving.

This will come in the form of Charlie's child that is meant for bigger and better things we are told (Terminator anyone?).

Standing in the way of the angels being able to do their mightiest is a small band of bit characters played by Quaid, Dutton, Tyrese Gibson and Lucas Black amongst others. There unapplied-for job is to stand by Michael while being hung up in a small diner in Paradise Falls just outside of Las Vegas and shoot as many of the human formed angels that have come to bid their masters will. With enough guns to supply a Waco compound, they fight and claw, live and die, all in the hopes of survival for not only themselves, but for the world as we know it.

The first 40 minutes of Legion were spectacular. We get Michael coming to earth and getting loaded up on weapons followed by a creepy old lady that goes all spider-Exorcist on the group in the diner when she turns into a demon (or is it an angel?). When the ice cream man-demon charges the diner patrons and they fight back with war-movie type ammunition rounds, I was enthralled and wondered why the critics were not so kind to Legion in general. After all, this was my type of movie. A bunch of people trapped against a superior enemy trying to fight their way out of the against-the-odds situation. This was Feast. This was The Thing. This was Splinter. This was shit.

Things took a turn for the worse - the much worse - when Michael starts his "God lost faith. I didn't" speech. Uttered with a straight face while a choir lead score plays in the background, this began the series of individual spotlights on each of the bit characters, each of which had to have their "It's my fault", "I'm sorry" or "When I was a kid…" moment.

These scenes went laboriously on and on and you forget that the movie started out with such an enthusiastic and promising bang.

But then things get worse. By the time Gabriel comes (hailed by a shriek stolen from Spielberg's War of the Worlds) the audience is subjected to some of the more ridiculous lines to come out of actor's mouths this side of the 1980's. A child with a knife going after Charlie says, "I just want to play with your baby", Dutton's character comments regarding people who walk on walls and bite his patrons with, "These guys aren't exactly our regular customers", and Quaid blows up half the desert when he ignites his lighter to a "Sorry, we are out of business". Really? This is the best we could do?

After 40 minutes of promise, Legion then has smart people doing stupid things for the remainder of the running time. All this leading to an ending that made me want to throw my popcorn container at the screen. Don't go see Legion. Go to the Legion and have a drink instead.