.: Roberts' Reviews - Movie Reviews :.

The sparkling vampires are back in the third of what is now a five part adaptation of the top selling Stephanie Meyer's novels with Twilight: Eclipse, which hit theatres with a wallop on Wednesday at midnight.

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner reprise their roles as vampire Edward Cullen, sucky-face Bella Swan and Werewolf-in-heat Jacob in a weak and boring third entry even if the violence is turned up a notch for a closing battle between good vampires and bad vampires.

Twilight: Eclipse picks up immediately where Twilight: New Moon left off. Bella and Edward continue their inappropriate relationship and we see the two of them sitting peacefully in meadow talking love and marriage as the sun twinkles Edwards pale skin.

These two love birds will frolic and make giddy eyes at each other for most of the movie which irks Jacob, who comes clean with his feelings for Bella telling her (before taking a right hook to the face) that he is in love with her.

The love triangle between bloodsucker teenager and werewolf is now fully in the open for audience members to ewww and ahhh while picking a side (Team Jacob here, by the way).

The banter between the two men takes a back seat when we learn that Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard who replaced Rachelle Lefevre) is amassing an army of young vampires to avenge the death of her sparkling mate at the hands of Edward in the first film of the franchise. Victoria intends on unleashing these young en's on the Cullen vampire family taking residence in Forks with a plan to kill the still human Bella thus thrusting pain into Edwards non-beating heart.

The Cullens seeks help from the werewolf clan (they are mortal enemies) to assist in destroying all those opposed in the onslaught while protecting the whiny Bella so that she can be around for at least two more films.

I will be honest and admit that the first two Twilight films were watchable. I gave both of them moderate reviews. So I can't be considered a true Twi-Hater when I reveal that Eclipse is the worst of the series and is outright ridiculous.

Bella continues to be the whiniest bitch this side of anywhere. She plays both Jacob and Edward off each other to get exactly what she wants then complains when either tries to play the same game with her. Her sixteen year old attitude towards so desiring to become one of the undead is poorly developed and completely convoluted.

Her fascination with everything Edward is scarier than the fact he sucks blood. She is obsessive and needs a good dose of Dr. Phil before she ends up on the Maury Povich show.

Unfortunately for audience members that could care less about the whole teenage angst relationship thing, the action sequences that are meant to be the highlight of the film fall flatter than a sack of potatoes off a sky diving ramp. When the young vampires show up in Forks and take on the big dogs and baseball loving Cullens, we get poor CGI and set designs that look like they were done in someone's basement. Outdoor scenes of a snow covered mountain top looked incredibly cheesy.

I am forever the one to try and find the good in any film and there was a small dose of non-doom in a few scenes. When Bella and her father awkwardly try and have the birds and the bees discussion, there was a bit of a non-forced chuckle from the crow. And a scene inside the mountain tent where Edward allows Jacob to snuggle with his beloved to keep her warm was a highlight in an otherwise boring film.

One thing for certain - you can't blame director David Slade for this mess. I have read the Twilight series and they are so poorly written and shallow that the source material is too weak to recreate it admirably and keep the screaming Twi-Hards to which the movie is intended from tearing up the theatre seats.

For all the mess that is Twilight: Eclipse, there is over two hours of it. Unnecessary flashbacks on many of the Cullen clan have the movie going backwards instead of forwards and eat up valuable time. So do scenes that seem to go on forever only to go nowhere. A scene of Bella trying to get Edward to shed her of her virgin title had all the background music to make you think that something might actually happen. Nope. Use this time to get more popcorn if you get the chance.

Twilight: Eclipse opened to monster numbers at the box office on Wednesday. The film is critic proof as young girls swarmed the theatre with Team Edward and Team Jacob shirts. They will look back on this film in 20 years as their shame. In the meantime, for anyone over the age of 14, stay away!