.: Roberts' Reviews - Movie Reviews :.

What do you get when you cross more stars than five Ocean's 11 movies and heralded film and television director Garry Marshall?

You get a mess of a film titled Valentine's Day, that's what.

Valentine's Day has more stars than the cosmos. Ashton Kutcher, Emma and Julia Roberts, Shirley MacClaine, Jamie Foxx, Jessica's Alba and Biel, Jennifer Garner, Patrick Dempsey and Eric Dane. In fact, there are so many stars that to add them all to the review would take away from any content in the 1,000 word synopsis.

This overload of talent was also a burden on the filmmakers that seem content to forgo any type of workable script or storytelling that would make Valentine's Day worth viewing outside of the parade of talent.

With multiple stories all interconnecting to a downtown flower shop run by Ashton Kutcher, Valentine's Day tries to the America's Love Actually and instead falls flatter than a watermelon off the Empire State Building.

In each story, love is catalyst that will bring happiness, pain and understanding to countless individuals that are too damn good looking to believe that they might have any bad luck in the areas of dating and relationships.

With no one outside of Kutcher (who is actually the best thing about the film) getting much more than a hint above a cameo role to strut their stuff, Valentine's Day painfully subjects its audience to an bland and unoriginal 125 minutes of soapy trash.

The competing storylines include a mailroom clerk (Topher Grace) and his adult sex line operator love interest (Anne Hathaway), ditzy teenage infatuation between Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner and infidelity issues cornering Patrick Dempsey. None of these are at the heart of a film without any and all are about as interesting as a Valentine's Day card written in crayon.

Only the stories of a young boy trying to get flowers to his true love and a football player with a startling reveal were anything worthy of further commentary.

Already expected to draw sequels (New Year's Eve anyone?) before the film opened to boffo box office results of $50+ million, Valentine's Day took any feeling for the Hallmark created event and twisted it into a mess of overpaid actors (Julia Roberts got $500,000 for 9 minutes of work) trying to pretend that they are everyday people.

With Kutcher being the best thing in a sea of schmaltz, you just know it is something to miss. Valentine's Day should not even be rented. It is that bad. Worse still. It's just boring.